September 2010: The Reason

TK and I were getting pretty frustrated at this point. I hadn't thought of it, but TK offered to get tested. I didn't argue, but I just figured if his counts are low, we just have sex every other day instead of every day. My trust book didn't have more than 2 pages on men being the reason for infertility, so I had nothing to worry about, right? Wrong.

TK's semen analysis came back abnormal. Low counts, VERY low motility. A quick webmd lookup told me this was bad, very bad. The phrase "low chance of getting pregnant naturally" was floated. But, we hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Dr. General yet.

I had a dinner that night that I should have cancelled. I was obviously upset and preoccupied. But a friend was in town and I wanted to see her. This was the same time when pregnancies really started to bother me. It was announced at dinner that a friend of ours was pregnant. She got married more than 6 months after me. I was being lapped. I had to leave.

TK was upset when I got home, and we cried together.

The next morning, we spoke to Dr. General and she went through the results and said they were fine, we could still get pregnant, we're young and healthy and no, there's nothing TK could take to improve his numbers. Dr. General sucks.

I emailed the results to my OB-GYN who said TK should see a urologist. Again, in my ignorance, I had no idea why. As I would soon find out, there can be hormornal and/or structural reasons for low sperm counts. He made an appointment.

I also did my search on google and read about every supplement that might help and took my credit card over to GNC.

August 2010: The Fertility Monitor and Thermometer

You have no idea how annoying those pink lines got. Then I heard there was a monitor that actually tells you when you're ovulating - no pink line! Yay! I also finally gave in and bought a basal thermometer so I can track my temperatures. They rise after you ovulate, so it serves as a "check" for the monitor.

June 2010: The OPKs

Forget this guessing stuff. There were sticks out there that could tell you the day or 2 around when you ovulate and dammit - I was going to use them!

I started using them on cycle day 9. The trick of these is that there's a test line that's always dark pink and a line next to it - you're ovulating if that line is darker than the test line. I had no idea how hard that would be!

So, cycle day 10, 11, 12... you get the picture. Then on cycle day 17 (not exactly day 14 like I thought), it looked darker. We had sex the next 6 days straight. Seriously. TK didn't complain!

May 2010: The Tracking

Having sex was fun and all, but I wanted to know that we were having sex when we could conceive! At that time, I thought everyone ovulated around the middle of their cycles, so we just had lots of sex around that time (in addition to other times - just for good measure, of course!)

March 2010: The Tests

I never had chicken pox that I remember. Chicken pox and pregnancy are bad. So, I had to get a blood test to see if I had the titers. If I didn’t, they would have to inject me with it and I'd have to delay by baby making plans for a few weeks. When I got there, my doctor (love her) had asked the nurses to also take some blood to see if I’m ovulating. I had no idea they could do that. That was beyond my education at that point. I would later learn everything about blood tests when I picked up “Infertility for Dummies”. Seriously. I didn’t even know what hormone she tested. All I knew what that it was in the range that told me I was ovulating.

(I later found out it was progesterone – it’s only produced after you ovulate, so really any level is good.)

February 2010: The Beginning

We didn’t have to default to our start in January back-up plan, because I got a job in January. I started work in February in more ways than one. I started a 8am-6pm job, but I also began my baby-making job.

I figured I was fine with ovulation since I had been off the pill for well over a year and my periods were regular, but I wanted to get my insides checked out. Enter the torturous “HSG” (hysteralpingogram). Yeah, you’d abbreviate, too. My friend had this done – on Valium – and she was in tears. But, this friend does have a flair for the dramatic and has a VERY low pain threshold. Me? High pain threshold, have multiple tattoos – I’m pretty tough.

The procedure was the most painful thing ever. First they insert a catheter that isn’t supposed to hurt – it’s just a tube. Then why did it feel like they had to clip it onto my cervix or something? Afterwards, a dye is injected into your uterus. It’s supposed to feel like “pressure”. Pressure my ass! This was PAIN! I later heard from a doctor that it is the most painful procedure they do without anesthesia.

Anyway the most important news was that I got the go ahead to start trying – my uterus and tubes were clear – YAY!

And so it began. I’m not going to lie – sex with the purpose of creating a child was fun! (At first.) It brings “love-making” to whole new level. I’ll stop there since I don’t know who will eventually read this.

November 2009: The Meltdown, Part 2

I went to visit my friend in the hospital – the women’s hospital. The same place where I wanted to be giving birth in 9 months, but knew I wasn’t. I was already feeling shaky from that and the fact that I had a fight with my mom (my parents were in town for Thanksgiving). As I was leaving the hospital, I saw I had a voicemail from a friend who said she had news. I knew what it was. She was calling to say she was pregnant-with her second. She was going to have two of something I had none of. I couldn’t handle it. Right there, in the middle of the street, I started bawling. My poor parents (especially my dad), had no idea what to do with me. My mom did the best thing she could and bought me shoes – really high heels that I reasoned I couldn’t wear if I was pregnant. Then we went out for Mexican and I drank too much – again, something I couldn’t do if I was pregnant.

November 2009: The Doctor

My friend had to have uterine fibroids removed and I went with her to her doctor consultation. This doctor just happened to be the lead infertility doctor. I'll call him Dr. Grandpa because he was caring but stern like a relative. I sat with her while she chatted with him, and the conversation moved to fertility, and then the conversation moved to me. Here’s the gist of it:

Dr Grandpa: “And you, are you married?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr Grandpa: “Do you have children?”

Me: “No.”

Dr Grandpa: “Do you want children?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr Grandpa: “Well, you better get going.”

Me: [Argument about my employment situation]

Dr Grandpa: “Please start – I don’t want to see you in here.”

Prophetic.

November 2009: The Meltdown, Part 1

Choo, choo! The biological freight train was still slamming into me as if it was going in reverse and accelerating over and over again. The night of our five-year dating anniversary, a night which should have been a nice dinner out (our only one while I was out of a job) turned into a disaster. I had a complete crying meltdown of how this was the month we were supposed to start trying and we can’t and my eggs are dying by the minute, and I WANT A BABY!!!!!!!!!! Poor TK tried to cheer me up, but I responded to everything with “My eggs are dying”.

In the end, we decided that if I didn’t have a job by the end of January, we would start trying.

September 2009: The Obstacle

With all this planning, I lost my job. I did not want to worry about being pregnant looking for a job, so we put our plans on hold. I loved unemployment for the most part, in fact, in the weeks leading up to my eventual dismissal, I created excel spreadsheets (you’re seeing a trend, aren’t you?) that mapped out how I would spend my day. Lots of exercise – running, yoga, Baci time, cooking, and of course, looking for a new job. In fact, the only reason I wanted a job was that I could proceed with my baby making plans. So, I was pretty upset at having to delay trying to conceive.

July 2009: The Plan

TK’s best friend got engaged and was planning an Ecuadorian wedding for either May or September 2010. TK was the Best Man, but even if he wasn’t, this is a wedding we HAD to go to. Back then, friends were actually more important than trying to conceive – imagine that! I created an excel spreadsheet (surprise, surprise) that calculated what my due date would be based on if we got pregnant in a particular month, and blocked out the months that would leave me in my third trimester for the wedding, when travel would be a no-no.

The wedding ended up being planned for May. So, we were going to start trying in November. Even if we got pregnant on the first try, I would still be only in my second trimester by May. There. It’s settled!

May 2009: The Book

After getting the ok from my husband, I went out to the bookstore to find some information on baby making and how to best do that. Maybe it could be as easy as a bottle of wine and romp in bed, but I’m not one to leave it to chance. I want to be completely educated on every subject. I want to know if I’m overweight, drink too much coffee and eat too much mercury-laden fish. So, I purchased ‘What to Expect Before You’re Expecting’. It was perfect because it laid out a three month plan to conception. Perfect! I started following the eating plans and leaned a bit more about my cycle and all things fertility. I read all about tracking your cycle, romantic things like cervical mucus, and how to figure out ovulation. There were sections in grey for your husband, which he read. We were golden.

April 2009: The Talk

For those of you who haven’t heard your biological “clock” ticking, here’s the real scoop. It’s not a ticking clock. It’s a fast-moving freight train. When it hits you, you’re done. That’s what happened to me. Of course, it takes two to tango, so I had to get my other half on board. I spent the better part of a day (at work) to first calculate my age, how long it may take us to conceive (6-18 months, of course), and figure out when we had to start such that I have my second child by 35 (the year things with your fertility supposedly go crazy). Then, I planned my defense for any reason my husband could possibly come up with – money, our jobs, our dog – whatever. I was not prepared for how our conversation actually went.

Me: “TK, I think we should start trying for a family within the next couple of months or so”.

TK: “Great, I was thinking the same thing, too.”

Conversation over.

REALLY??? WTF? What about all my preparation and copious notes? OK, I’m not going to complain.