November 2009: The Meltdown, Part 2

I went to visit my friend in the hospital – the women’s hospital. The same place where I wanted to be giving birth in 9 months, but knew I wasn’t. I was already feeling shaky from that and the fact that I had a fight with my mom (my parents were in town for Thanksgiving). As I was leaving the hospital, I saw I had a voicemail from a friend who said she had news. I knew what it was. She was calling to say she was pregnant-with her second. She was going to have two of something I had none of. I couldn’t handle it. Right there, in the middle of the street, I started bawling. My poor parents (especially my dad), had no idea what to do with me. My mom did the best thing she could and bought me shoes – really high heels that I reasoned I couldn’t wear if I was pregnant. Then we went out for Mexican and I drank too much – again, something I couldn’t do if I was pregnant.

November 2009: The Doctor

My friend had to have uterine fibroids removed and I went with her to her doctor consultation. This doctor just happened to be the lead infertility doctor. I'll call him Dr. Grandpa because he was caring but stern like a relative. I sat with her while she chatted with him, and the conversation moved to fertility, and then the conversation moved to me. Here’s the gist of it:

Dr Grandpa: “And you, are you married?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr Grandpa: “Do you have children?”

Me: “No.”

Dr Grandpa: “Do you want children?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr Grandpa: “Well, you better get going.”

Me: [Argument about my employment situation]

Dr Grandpa: “Please start – I don’t want to see you in here.”

Prophetic.

November 2009: The Meltdown, Part 1

Choo, choo! The biological freight train was still slamming into me as if it was going in reverse and accelerating over and over again. The night of our five-year dating anniversary, a night which should have been a nice dinner out (our only one while I was out of a job) turned into a disaster. I had a complete crying meltdown of how this was the month we were supposed to start trying and we can’t and my eggs are dying by the minute, and I WANT A BABY!!!!!!!!!! Poor TK tried to cheer me up, but I responded to everything with “My eggs are dying”.

In the end, we decided that if I didn’t have a job by the end of January, we would start trying.

September 2009: The Obstacle

With all this planning, I lost my job. I did not want to worry about being pregnant looking for a job, so we put our plans on hold. I loved unemployment for the most part, in fact, in the weeks leading up to my eventual dismissal, I created excel spreadsheets (you’re seeing a trend, aren’t you?) that mapped out how I would spend my day. Lots of exercise – running, yoga, Baci time, cooking, and of course, looking for a new job. In fact, the only reason I wanted a job was that I could proceed with my baby making plans. So, I was pretty upset at having to delay trying to conceive.

July 2009: The Plan

TK’s best friend got engaged and was planning an Ecuadorian wedding for either May or September 2010. TK was the Best Man, but even if he wasn’t, this is a wedding we HAD to go to. Back then, friends were actually more important than trying to conceive – imagine that! I created an excel spreadsheet (surprise, surprise) that calculated what my due date would be based on if we got pregnant in a particular month, and blocked out the months that would leave me in my third trimester for the wedding, when travel would be a no-no.

The wedding ended up being planned for May. So, we were going to start trying in November. Even if we got pregnant on the first try, I would still be only in my second trimester by May. There. It’s settled!

May 2009: The Book

After getting the ok from my husband, I went out to the bookstore to find some information on baby making and how to best do that. Maybe it could be as easy as a bottle of wine and romp in bed, but I’m not one to leave it to chance. I want to be completely educated on every subject. I want to know if I’m overweight, drink too much coffee and eat too much mercury-laden fish. So, I purchased ‘What to Expect Before You’re Expecting’. It was perfect because it laid out a three month plan to conception. Perfect! I started following the eating plans and leaned a bit more about my cycle and all things fertility. I read all about tracking your cycle, romantic things like cervical mucus, and how to figure out ovulation. There were sections in grey for your husband, which he read. We were golden.

April 2009: The Talk

For those of you who haven’t heard your biological “clock” ticking, here’s the real scoop. It’s not a ticking clock. It’s a fast-moving freight train. When it hits you, you’re done. That’s what happened to me. Of course, it takes two to tango, so I had to get my other half on board. I spent the better part of a day (at work) to first calculate my age, how long it may take us to conceive (6-18 months, of course), and figure out when we had to start such that I have my second child by 35 (the year things with your fertility supposedly go crazy). Then, I planned my defense for any reason my husband could possibly come up with – money, our jobs, our dog – whatever. I was not prepared for how our conversation actually went.

Me: “TK, I think we should start trying for a family within the next couple of months or so”.

TK: “Great, I was thinking the same thing, too.”

Conversation over.

REALLY??? WTF? What about all my preparation and copious notes? OK, I’m not going to complain.